Life's Detours

Rest in Peace, Mom! (Photo courtesy of Mikayla Ryan, one of Mom's many granddaughters)

Ah Yes, detours; we’ve had a few during our, now, 9 months journey into retirement, for examples:

1.                     A U-turn somewhere in the bowels of the NYC subway system in Brooklyn after hopping on the wrong train while trying to get lost in the Big Apple with good friends, Connie and Addison;

2.                     A “virtual” U-Turn on the way to Virginia, re-routing through Ohio, then Tennessee… to re-unite with Grandson, Jonah… and his Mom, too, of course, in Nashville, in early November;  and

3.                     Much more recently, leaving the white sand beaches of Biloxi, Mississippi, for 1) the desert sun of the Phoenix Valley (a pre-planned detour); and 2) (for me, at least), a short (previously unplanned)  trip “home” to Eugene, BEFORE  heading back to Biloxi.  Lanie, too, had her own odd detour, via Seattle, then Houston, on returning semi-directly to Biloxi at the end of the week… more on that later… but for me it was a much quicker trip back to the homeland (Eugene).

Now, as to number 3 above, we had a great time in Phoenix in Mid-March.  Both daughters were there; Emily lives in the Tempe area, and Sara and Drew and Jonah were in the Valley as well for the LPGA Founders Cup in North Phoenix, of which son-in-law Drew is tournament director.  Also met Emily’s new boyfriend, Trevor, who bonded instantly with Jonah… no surprise really since Trevor is a pretty likeable guy and Jonah likes pretty much anyone who will pay attention to him, never mind trying to understand his reasoned discourses (in “baby babble”) on any and all subjects.

With the LPGA Tournament Director, aka "Daddy"

Jonah bonds with Trevor

 Anyhow, we also ate some good food, watched the best women players in the world tee it up in the golf tournament, AND caught a few spring training games while we were at it. Jonah’s first spring training game (there will be more if his Grandpa has anything to say about it) was Cubs vs.  Mariners.   Whether or not he ever becomes a Cubs fan, his baseball watching career got off to a predictable start with a Cubbies loss!

"This is Fun! Are the Cubs Winning?.... Oh, Never Mind!"

We had a very good time with family in Phoenix, but, too soon, we were leaving; Lanie on that aforementioned odd detour, thanks to Alaska Award travel, and scheduling quirks thereof, via Seattle; then a long haul from Seattle to Houston; a five hour layover there, and a late night flight into Biloxi.  Considering she started out in the early morning hours at Phoenix Airport, it was a LONG zigzagging, and exhausting, day for sure.  

Me? I’d originally planned on flying back to Biloxi that same day as well, though on a slightly different route.  But shortly before we’d taken off for Phoenix, I’d learned that my Mother was in fast fading health back in Eugene.  She’d been in Residential Memory Care for the past few years, but, until recently, had been  reasonably stable physically even as her Alzheimer’s progressed.  Now she was, according to health professionals at her care facility, basically shutting down on the physical side, and, during the week we were in Phoenix, had stopped eating solid foods.

So I detoured to Eugene directly from Phoenix to spend some time with Mom and family.  Well, it wasn’t actually a "direct flight."  I was on Alaska Award travel as well and actually flew with Lanie on that same early morning Seattle flight, before I headed to the gate for a Portland (PDX) flight and she waited at another gate for her Houston departure.   I was at PDX long before Lanie landed in Texas (enroute to Biloxi), but ahead still was my first ever MAX (Portland Commuter Rail) ride from PDX to downtown Portland where I would rent a car to drive down to Eugene.

My “maiden” voyage on MAX was routine enough, jumping off at the Chinatown station and hiking 5 blocks up to Broadway to pick up the car… which WASN’T there!  The agency, Dollar Rent A Car, had run out of vehicles, apparently because the demand was so high, probably due to the fact that their daily price at that location was about 1/3 of the cost for the same car at their PDX facility.  The irony here is that they had put a call into their airport facility to send cars their way.  Had I known when I landed, I would have volunteered to drive one downtown (and then on to Eugene). 

Anyhow,  I had to wait a few hours for the car; so I called up my old friend and business associate from my EWEB public investing days, Dave, and we had a very nice lunch at this little bar/restaurant named Clyde Common;  shameless plug here, but this place was really good!

All in all,it was, indeed, a short, pleasant, detour from my imminent trip down Interstate 5 to Eugene.  And soon, on I went to visit Mom and a few other folks.  A lot of family had gathered that afternoon, as well as the week before then, and would as well during the week ahead; and it was great re-visiting with all.  Mom was hanging on Monday, then Tuesday, Wednesday, and so on.  She couldn’t really talk, and only occasionally opened her eyes; but I think she knew we were there with her that week; and I think it helped her come to peace with her life as it wound down.  Thanks to all Mom’s family for caring and being there when she most needed it.

Grandma Beth collage put together by a very talented photographer and photo arranger, my niece Mikayla!

In between twice daily visits with Mom, I managed to squeeze in visits, and lunches, with many old friends from EWEB.  There was lunch with my good buddy, Frank, on Tuesday, Italian of course. And later that same day I finally got to meet my “cuz”, Shannon… we consider ourselves related because: 1) we were both born in Hawaii (he looks like a native; me?... “haole” all the way); and 2) we both have cousins with the last name of Freitas in Makawao, Maui.  Then on Wednesday a group of folks from the ROC (Deborah, Tia, Diane, and Edward) joined me at Chingu, a little Korean restaurant… another shameless plug here, this place is really good!  Many thanks to all the EWEB folks for a warm welcome back to Eugene.

 And, all week long I was graciously hosted by long-time good friends Connie and Addison, who’d joined us in the Big Apple back in the fall of 2013.  They put me up in their house that week, fed me, served me drinks in the evening after work (“work”? what’s that?), and we had great conversations all week.  I can’t thank them enough for all they did for me that week.

And too, on Thursday I: 1) gave blood at Lane Blood Center…  and met up with an old neighbor from the “hood” (Bentley Ave up in the SW Hills), Kathleen, who volunteers at the Blood Center; 2) had lunch with Mom-in-Law, Mavis; and 3) Dinner with brother-in-law, Bret, and his wife, Mickey, at our mutual favorite bar, Sam’s Place, in SW Eugene… yes, another shameless plug in that, for bar food, this place is really good!

In the end, this “detour” to Eugene was primarily about Mom, and family.  And it wasn’t really all that mournful sitting there with family members at Mom’s bedside.  I don’t mean to demean the gravity of the moment and the week… it’s never easy watching a family member, particularly a parent, wind down in their final days… but times like these bring together sometimes far flung family members; as was the case that week.   Jennifer and her 3 kids were there early in the week; Jim, his daughter Kristin, and my other sister, Susan, as well. 

  And, of course, always during that week our dear cousin, Jean, stopped by, sometimes twice in a day, to spend time with her Auntie Beth. On Thursday afternoon, Jean and I spent a couple hours alternately holding Mom’s hand, talking to her and trading stories from “back in the day”.  We talked about Cousin Buster (Jean’s brother) and Jim and I, as young teenagers, hopping in Dad’s pickup (while he and Mom were conveniently away) and peeling rubber down the long dirt driveway, as we (with Buster at the wheel) tooled, or rather herky-jerked (it was a stick shift) around the place (Dad never found out about our nefarious joy-ride… or, if he did, he never said anything); and of Mom’s rather odd, and totally inadvertent,  adventure into “magic brownies” when she was well into her “senior” years.  By the end of the two hours together that afternoon, Jean and I were practically rolling on the floor with laughter at times; and it was good, cleansing laughter, most all of it honoring a life well spent (Mom’s, of course).  Thank you, Jean, for being there!

Oh, and there’s one more shameless plug I must give, for Elder Health and Living out in Thurston (Springfield, OR).  They provided loving, expert care for Mom as her Alzheimer’s progressed, and I cannot say enough good things about them.   I’m not going to spend much more time on Mom.   Daughter Sara wrote a wonderful piece in her own blog, and I’ll point you to that for the essence of my Mom (her Grandma Beth).  I couldn’t have said it better, or even nearly as well.  This one is NOT a shameless plug, but rather a proud recommendation. 

http://notesfrom5280.blogspot.com/2014/03/our-sweet-grandma-beth.html

Thank you, Sara, for a wonderful post/tribute.

Mom with her 5 kids, circa "way back when" (borrowed from Sara's blog post)

All in all I would say Eugene in late March was a “detour” well spent, and I was glad I got the chance to visit Mom one last time Friday morning, giving her a goodbye kiss, before I headed North to turn in the car, take the MAX back to PDX and wing my way back to Lanie, Big Bertha, the “Fifth”, and Biloxi. Thank you, Lanie, for always being so understanding, and for helping to care for Mom in some of her most needy moments over the past few years.

 On landing in Dallas (enroute to Biloxi), I learned that my Mom, Mary Elizabeth  "Beth" Ventura, had passed away that afternoon at the age of 84.  Her final trip, I don’t believe, was anything like a circuitous/zig-zag detour, probably more like an express route to wherever it is that good spirits go after their life on Earth is over.  Thank you, Mom, for a life well lived.